Jason Bourne

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In Theaters

My favorite part of Jason Bourne is how they let Matt Damon and the other good looking fella who played the villain spy look old and weathered, like they’ve actually been living this hard life for the last twenty years.  Little details like that make for great Bourne films.  In this case little details like that also made for some cringe worthy moments that made JB to much like other action movies.  Did you know the CIA can hack into every traffic cam, power grid and cell phone on the planet almost instantly?  Amazing.  Or that air bags don’t deploy if the hero doesn’t need them in his face?  Incredible.  You almost wanted to grab JB by the ears and say, “don’t stoop to their level, you’re better than this.”

Anyway, the actors are talented and do a good job.  Other than the moments where JB tries to fit in with the Avengers the directing is fine.  The story is tied up in the old movies, but if you’re half smart and will buy into something bad happened to Jason Bourne to make him this way, then you’ll hang on fine.  The action is good.  Once an action sequence starts it is pretty well full speed until it ends, watching is a bit of a work out.

I am putting the Star Trek:Beyond and JB reviews up at the same time, and since I’m doing that I’ll compare them head to head.  If you only have time for one, go see JB, its slightly better.

Lots of punching, kicking and shooting.  Some cussing by the supporting actors.  Teenagers won’t even notice, small kids might.

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Star Trek: Beyond

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In Theaters

When Star Trek was rebooted it was said by the then director that this was a Star Trek for non-Star Trek fans.  That proved true; as the new Star Trek is an action movie full of pretty people and set pieces (and lens flair).  The same hold for Star Trek: Beyond, but a little bit tamer and a little bit slower.  You like the first two?  If yes, then you’ll like this one, but probably rank it third like I do.  Just like the time my sister got a bronze medal volunteering at the Special Olympics, b/c there were only three teams competing.

If you buy into the Star Trek Universe, then ST:B has a perfectly plausible story, story arc and plot.  The acting is good enough, and good for an action movie.  I never thought the special effects looked stupid, and they always fit right in with everything else going on.  The guy that directed the last few Fast & Furious movies directs this one, and he takes his next evolutionary step in his career here (but the lack of ridiculousness did surprise me, there is some, but way short of an F&F movie).  If he was a stock I’d buy, still low but going to be better.

You can see my praise isn’t sky high, but I don’t really have anything negative to say.  I’d say my review is better than “mixed,” but below “hurry to the theater.”  I’m about to review the Bourne movie, which I put one tick above this movie.

They cuss a time or two, but the kids will be fine.

Central Intelligence

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In Theaters

The Rock and Kevin Hart have good chemistry.  Central Intelligence was probably more fun to make than to watch.  CI is Jeb Bush to Rush Hour’s George, less in the ways that made it work.  I actually think I’m going to put this one on the director.  There was to much “alright Kevin, we’re going to point the camera at you and you be wacky.”  The story was good for a comedy, outlandish in the right places, but a bit heavy handed when it wanted to be serious.  You never really forget the Rock is the Rock ,or Hart is Hart, so the acting could have used some improvement.  The supporting cast is actually doing better than the stars.  There are a few funny moments, but it was certainly missing one of those epic funny scenes (think the pooping scene in Bridesmaids).  Ultimately, I’m not sorry I watched it, but I’ll probably be passing on it when the reruns roll around.  There is better stuff in the theater right now, and better stuff coming, so you can afford to give this one a pass.  Rent it later if you’re a Kevin Hart fan, or need to watch something light and disposable.

Zoolander 2

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Home Viewing, Red Box, Redbox

I’ll keep this shorter than Derek Zoolander’s attention span (zing!).  Zoolander 2 is not good.  Not among the worst movies ever, but ultimately not funny.  I’m a big fan of the original, and the call backs and characters kept me interested for a while, but after about an hour I was just wishing it would hurry up and get over with so I could say I finished it.  The acting, writing, directing and story are exactly what you expect, not the worst ever, but peaking at average.

The only reason to see Zoolander 2 is if you watched the original so much that you feel you owe it to them (that was me).  The saddest part is the same part that was sad about Anchorman 2; I still quote the original to this day, but won’t remember a single line from the sequel.

The Legend of Tarzan

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In Theaters

I’ll be the first to say that it is hard to make a good Tarzan movie, just like it is hard to make a good Superman movie.  Both are better in concept, better as side characters in their own stories (and, especially with Superman, it is hard to make a story arc about an invincible guy). The Legend of Tarzan is a chick flick; 3 parts The Notebook, 1 part Jungle Book and 1 part action movie.  The most positive thing I can say about it is that the scenery and the cinematography is outstanding.  Lord of the Rings in Africa, with all the pull backs and wide angles.  The good actors in it are still good (with Tarzan easily being the weak link), but I don’t think there is any amount of acting that would have made the movie more interesting.  I guess that is what I have to say about it, Tarzan just wasn’t all that much fun.  A muted version of a better movie.  The story is second rate, the writing is second rate, the main character’s acting is second rate, the love story is second rate, all that adds up to below average for a blockbuster.

Tarzan is probably the least fun I’ve had at the movies this summer, and is either the worst or second worst movie I’ve seen.  Warcraft at least knew it was an action movie, even though it was quite pitiful at times.  Tarzan is just unimpressive, just kinda boring.

The kids would be fine watching it, but there isn’t really a reason to go see this movie.